Body grooming - even if you're as hairy as a werewolf

Body grooming – even if you’re as hairy as a werewolf

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It’s not a far stretch to say the werewolf wasn’t a fan of shaving. Maybe it fears the razor as much as it fears the silver bullet. Who knows? But if we are to believe the half-human, half-wolf, moon-bather prowled the medieval villages looking for a juicy virgin’s neck to spike. Then, it’s not too hard to strip out the fantasy and say maybe the wolfman was just a real hairy man with a phobia of sharp razors? And his smooth nubile victims represented his fear of a clean shave or what he would discover about himself under all that hair….right?

That full moon transformation.

We all felt it, that moment when puberty hit. We went to bed as boys with bum-fluff and woke up growling and unrecognisable, even to our own mums. Overnight the moon had its way with us, our inner wolf had reared its ugly head. And there was hair. Lots of it. In places where there was none before. And boy did we howl. 

There was no going back after we burst out of our favourite t-shirts, ravaged kitchen cupboards and chased she-wolves down the street. Hair was there to stay. 

Up stepped papa wolf.

“Ok son, watch and learn! this is how you tame that wild mess expressing itself on your chin, today my boy, you’ll become a man!”. For most young boys on the verge of hair-hood, it was their dad who showed them the ropes. For others, it was their aunt Irene, or a bigger brother before he left to uni. A real bit of bonding with foam and blade.

But whoever your shaving coach was they probably only showed you the cheeks, chin and neck technique. Namely the face shave.

It makes sense, your face is the thing that’s most out in public and it’s gotta look half decent, you don’t want anyone thinking you’re a scruffy dog, what would that do to the family’s reputation! Now times have moved on and men don’t mind taking a razor to all of their hairy parts and growing a beard as long as your arm. Hairy men don’t fear razors anymore. The wolf is happy being groomed here, there and everywhere. 

A shaven werewolf in Paris – body grooming a la mode.

Armpits, legs, balls, chests…ears. Today there’s nowhere a man hasn’t been with his razor. If he wants it, his body is hair-free and used to his advantage!  Whether he wants less friction when cycling, to be able to cut through the pool like a dolphin or to show his lover there’s more ‘Oh, la-la’ to him than meets the eye. So if it’s for fashion, self-expression or to be faster in a sprint finish we have the hints to tame the wolf. So if you fancy exploring the world of hairlessness, read on, if not, enjoy the moon tonight, it’s meant to be beautiful. 

General shaving tips.

Whatever body part you fancy shaving, there are some tried and tested steps to shaving. There are some specifics which we’ll dabble in later. But if you stick to these general pointers, when shaving, you can’t go wrong. The most important thing is the razor. While some razor companies will tell you to avoid using a razor on your body, we have one thing they don’t – a flexible blade

  • It’s best to use warm water to soften your hair and prepare the skin for shaving. It also loosens and relaxes the area you want to shave. Shaving over tight skin can be painful.
  • Work in some Foaming Shave Gel. It allows the razor to glide smoothly while protecting your skin at the same time. Don’t use too much even though it might be tempting too. Remember it expands when you play with it.
  • Grip the razor lightly and remember to take it slow. You don’t need to push too hard. The blades are very sharp and your skin is very soft. You do the math.
  • Rinse with cold water to close your pores. It also helps to wash away any leftover hairs.
  • Pat dry. 
  • Apply some aftershave cream to soothe the skin after the razor’s done it’s work. This helps the skin recover after the shave. (Our article on how to shave your face covers all these steps in more detail.)

Now the particulars of grooming for all your man bits, from head to toe and back again.

The eyebrows.

We’ll start with the face, so you don’t feel too out of depth. You don’t need a razor for this, so put it back! The idea with the eyebrows is to give them a little tidy-up, nothing too harsh. You’ll need a pair of tweezers for this; pliers will work too, but why would you? If you haven’t got any tweezers, have a sniff in your lady’s make-up bag there’s probably half a dozen buried in there somewhere. 

If you’re a bushy-brow kind of guy, give them a light going over with some scissors first before you go plucking, to take off some weight. Now, when you do pluck don’t overdo it! just try to take the stray hairs out. You want to neaten your brow-up, not wipe it out. 

The ears.

Remember when you looked at your grandad and thought what the hell is that thing growing out of his ears? Well, its hair and if genes have anything to say it’s coming for you. 

  • Now the best way to keep your ear-hair from escaping is to hone it in with some tweezers. 
  • Remember hair inside the ear is good, it stops dirt getting in so don’t pull out too many. 
  • Some flash barbers also wave a lighter around the ear to take off any fluff on the lobe.
  • If you do that just keep in mind Van Gogh. 

The nose.

When your nose hairs are touching your top lip it’s time to trim the hedge. It’s best to use scissors for this. Cut them as they hang. If you want to go a little further, push your nose back against your face like a heavyweight boxer had just laid one on you, and cut carefully, but not too close, it could lead to irritation and wild sneezing fits. And just like the hairs in your ears, you do need some nose hair to stop aliens being sucked up in there.

  • If you want to spend a little, nose trimmers are handy to have around, you just put it up your nose and watch it rain hair. 
  • Feeling adventurous? there’s a treatment that involves dipping a cotton bud in wax then sliding gently just inside the nose, the rest you can hear half way down the street!
  • Don’t pluck unless you want to be reduced to a quivering wreck!

The Adam’s apple.

The skin over The Adam’s apple is a squirmy little bugger, it slides around like a jelly on a plate. The best trick to getting the hair there is to push the skin to one side, shave it gently with a razor and it will shoot back into place the very moment you let go. Make sure to move the skin either side to get all of the hair.

The Chest.

Ready to reveal what’s under that rug of yours? Been bench-pressing lately and curious to see the result of your labours. Or do you just want to cut through the water like a randy dolphin in an open-necked Hawaiian shirt? 

Then don’t be shy. We’ll show you how. With minimal effort, a few strokes and the right equipment. You’ll be frying eggs on that hot bod of yours in no time….sssssssssst!

You can refer to the general shaving tips section above for the basics. But here are a few chest specific things to keep in mind:

  • Go easy around the nips. They are very sensitive. You may have two of them but you don’t want to lose one. If there are hairs on your areola (the pink bit) that you want to get rid of, it’s best to pluck them after a warm shower.
  • A pec-flex is optional. But as you are alone…why not.
  • Now, where did you leave your open-necked Hawaiian shirt?

The Armpits.

If you can’t put your arms down by your sides because of the hippy festival under your armpits. It’s time, my friend, to take down the tents and cut back on the weeds.

  • Use a trimmer to get rid of most of the madness.
  • Take a warm shower, to open your pores and soften the hair that is left.
  • Don’t forget to use some Aftershave cream to soothe the skin. That area doesn’t get much sun and can be very sensitive. Let it soak in.
  • When your pits have calmed down, it’s time for a couple deo rubs. Be proud of your fresh little man caves.

The Back & Shoulders.

Being blessed with your own self-grown fur mantle can be really cosy in the winter but a real bother in the summer. Blame your testosterone. It’s in hyperdrive. Here’s a few helpful tips to say so long to itchy back hair. 

  • Ask anyone you trust to help out, they can see your back, you can’t! If everyone is busy, you could strap a razor to a selfie-stick.
  • If you’re going for it alone, take your time. Your back is a big area and there’s a lot that you can mess-up if you go racing around. A hand mirror will give you a pair of extra eyes, so you don’t miss a patch.
  • Use a trimmer to take off the thick stuff. You’ll feel lighter already. Hop in the shower to rinse away the trimmings.

The Balls.

Not much can come between a man and his two closest pals. And if you’re the type of guy to go that extra mile to show your appreciation. Then maybe a full ball-grooming is on the cards. Now, that area is home to billions of nerve endings, as we’ve all found out, one way or another. So light hands and patience is the key to leaving the bathroom smiling… and still walking.

  • Use a trimmer to take off a bit of weight and cut back any wayward spider-legs.  
  • If you’re feeling confident now’s the time to shave a superman logo into your pubic hair.
  • Keep them warm, a shower will do the trick.
  • Shave slowly and consistently as if your life depended on it. 

The Legs.

Men who shave their legs have their reasons; whether to show off their tight quadriceps under a spotlight, to swim like a fish or Mike feels like being Mandy for the weekend. Leg shaving is part of who they are. And good for them. 

If you’ve been toying with the idea of shaving your legs, we’ll show you the right way to go about it. Just remember, the skin hiding under your leg hair, hasn’t seen much sun since puberty so they are bound to be a lot paler than the rest of you.

  • Use a trimmer to take the hair down to a size the razor can handle. This will be messy. Lay down a towel to catch the falling debris.
  • Run yourself a bath. Half full. Keep your shaving tools to hand. Slide yourself in and let the warm water soften you up. Work in some foaming shave gel, but don’t over do it. Foam one bit of your leg at a time. Foam then shave. Foam then shave. Rinse. And repeat until you run out of leg. 
  • Don’t forget your feet. Smooth legs and hairy feet is just weird. But if weird’s your thing, be my guest, it’s your freak show. 
  • And let your bed-partner know that’s not a cactus sleeping between you. 

And last but not least that one lonely hair.

It keeps popping up. Same place. Uninvited. What to do? 

…leave it.

Body grooming done.

That’s the long and short of body grooming for now. And to show you that we have nothing against hair, we’ll end the article how we started it. With a wolf.

The Wolfman and self-proclaimed “Hairiest man in the world”. Larry Gomez – He’s famous for having more hair than visible skin – 98% coverage. He grooms once a month and while he’s sweeping away the hair from the floor, it starts to grow back. Larry has a rare condition known as Hypertrichosis but he doesn’t let the hair get in his way, he owns it!

He wants to inspire other people with the same condition to stay positive- nice one Larry!

Hair can make people believe anything. Even in themselves. 

Til’ the next full moon.

Photo by Aron Visuals

 

–You got this.–

 

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