Maybe you’ve been thinking about it for a while, inspired by your favourite adult performer, or your better half has been nudging you for a little tidy-up. Or, who knows, maybe it’s part of your faith*. But holding a knife near the family jewels never sounds appealing. Let us take you by the hand…wait! that sounds weird! Scrap that. Here are a few tips on shaving your delicate goosey danglers.
*For many religions throughout history body grooming, including shaving your ‘how’s your father’, are part of the, ahem, package so to speak. From Ancient Egyptians getting rid of all their hair to modern Muslims shaving as part of their religious practice. It’s not all swingers and gym bros. Even God appreciates a smooth Johnson.
Just the steps
Not here for all the details and just want to get to it. Here’s the condensed version.
- Trim. Get the electric trimmer out and take off a bit of your home-grown camouflage, so you see what you’re playing with.
- Wash up. Getting clean should be your first port of call for any shave, and the balls are no exception. Give ’em a scrub and shine.
- Keep ’em warm. Avoid goosebumps and shivering by shaving in the shower. Your wrinkly skin will pull a smile at you later.
- Easy does it. There’s never been a better time to stop the clock. Relax. Use a liberal amount of Foaming Shave Gel, to help the razor glide. Put on a meditation soundtrack if you think that’ll help.
- Go with the grain. Work down slowly from your belly button to the base of your manhood. There’s no finishing line there, so don’t sprint.
- The nuts. Gently stretch and gently shave. Gently stretch and gently shave. That’s all we’re saying.
- Wash and dry. Give ’em a scrub. Quick pat dry. And off you trot.
There are many reasons someone might want to shave their early-riser. Suni Islamic law requires men to remove the hair below the navel, under the armpits and to trim their nails. With the best day for doing it to being Friday. All sounds pretty sensible to us; apart from the Friday bit, Sunday is our self-care day.
Many men shave for aesthetic reasons. To make themselves look more appealing (read: bigger.) A tree in a field looks taller than a tree in the woods, as they say.
There’s also the feeling. The smoother feeling against your clothes, and also while getting jiggy. If both partners are shaved there’s a bit more slipping and sliding down there. It’s all a matter of personal preference really. Unless you’re religious. In which case you need to get on that… shaving we mean.
(We spoke to six men about their reasons for the shaving their balls in our article: Shaving your balls for the first time? It’s liberating.)
The nuts and bolts… so to speak
Ok… you’re going to take the plunge.
If you’re like most people you’re probably a bit nervous. But the truth is you needn’t be. You already have a lot of experience shaving and the process is easier than you’d think.
If you’re a shaving noob see our article on How to shave your face for the basics. And honestly, if don’t have that much experience maybe hold off on shaving your V.I.P area until you’ve got some practice in. Most of the complexity of shaving your junk comes from the difficulty in reaching and seeing. Your face doesn’t pose these challenges. Start there first.
For everyone else, this article will help you apply your existing shaving skills to your little head. And leave you as bald as a naked mole rat – which aesthetically is the best we can hope for.
There are a few tricks of the trade that are specific to your chassis but we’ll cover these throughout the article.
How to shave your balls
Like anything in life, preparation is key. And shaving your (enter favourite euphemism) is no exception. The first step in cleaning up downstairs is making them shorter. A hair trimmer is best for this.
From personal experience, I can say that you can use the shortest trimmer setting between your belly button and shaft. But when trimming your coin purse don’t get so close.
The skin down there is loose and liable to get caught in an unguarded hair trimmer. It’s best to put the trimmer on a 5mm setting, or longer, to get some of the length down. The hair on your brass clackers is sparser than that on your pelvis, and won’t give the razor much trouble.
Once you’ve got them trimmed up it’s on to the next step.
Washing and warming em up is the next step. Washing is important because… you know… hygiene. But particularly with shaving, it takes on an even greater significance.
When you shave you’re running a sharp blade nanometers away from the surface of your skin. Even with the best of intentions and skill you can cut yourself, or give your skin minor abrasions. Your skin normally picks up bacteria and dirt as you go through your day, which, if it gets into a cut, can cause irritation and redness.
Shaving rash is not pleasant anywhere on your body but even more so below the belt. The friction of your clothes against your skin can really aggravate the problem. And explaining why it looks like you’re wearing skin coloured polka dot briefs to a new partner is not sexy.
Even the most quick-witted among us will struggle to come up with a clever response. Long story short: wash before you shave. Future you will thank you for it. Be your own wingman.
Keep ’em warm
There are two main ways to give yourself a wet shave. You can go the traditional face shave route and shave at the sink. This would mean foaming up the boys. Or you can do the sensible thing and shave in a warm shower.
Shaving in the shower has a number of advantages. You can get yourself clean first, the running water helps keep the area free of hair. And most importantly your lady-charmer is kept warm throughout.
It’s no small thing keeping everything down there warm. The heat stops your skin from shrivelling up, making it easier to shave. Giving you one less thing to think about, and allowing you to relax a bit – particularly if it’s your first time.
We’re going to focus on the shower shave as, to be honest, it’s the better option. If you have to foam up at the sink, foam up. But if you can at all get into the shower.
Easy does it
Patience is key with all shaving, but nowhere is this more the case than the tackle-box. The skin here is delicate and doesn’t take the same kind of beating as your face, which is exposed to the elements all day. It should also surprise no one the skin here is less than smooth, generally resembling the skin found on a pensioner’s elbow or a turkey’s neck. It’s not firm is what we’re saying.
All that to say take it easy.
Much like your first sexual experience you’re going to be nervous. But you want to keep those nerves under wraps. The combo of shakey hand plus sharp blade doesn’t bear thinking about. Just breathe. Take your time. And remember you can always take a break if you need to. This might help.
Go with the grain
There’s a couple of things to keep in mind while you’re peeling the banana. First, you want to work down from the pelvis. This is easier to shave and will give you some time to get your hand in.
Go with the grain. Now, this doesn’t mean shave in a spiral. It means work down from your naval to your flag-mast. You don’t need to apply too much pressure here. Remember, you can always give it a second pass. The skin here is simple to shave but is prone to razor burn due to the friction between your skin and trousers. This was the thing teenage me messed up the first time I was brave enough to shave downstairs.
Take your time. Go with the grain and you’ll be good.
Now onto the meat of the matter, and probably the bit that causes the most apprehension… the nuts.
That ‘should I, shouldn’t I ?’ is understandable. The skin down there is known for being delicate and wrinkly. And on top of that, it’s not always the easiest to see what’s happening. The angle you’re looking at it from isn’t ideal. Along with the fact that depending on how well endowed you are, your trouser snake could be obscuring the view.
All that being said there’s basically one technique for shaving your nuts – stretch and shave.
Grab the skin with one hand, pin the long-fella behind your forearm, and shave with the other. Generally, the hair here is sparser than on your pelvis, so you don’t need to apply so much pressure. Stretch and shave, and be gentle and you’ll have a pair of smooth eggs in no time.
Rinse and dry
The shave is done and all is well. You’re already in the shower so washing up is a breeze. I just hope you’re not reading this from the shower too!
When you’re going about drying your junk go easy on it. As with shaving anywhere else patting dry is better for your skin than rubbing. There’s less friction so it’s less likely to cause irritation. You should also always use a clean towel. To avoid rubbing dirt or bacteria on yourself. Bacteria can turn a light sore into an unsightly rash.
Jump into a pair of boxers, avoid any tight belts or skinny jeans that might chafe and you’re good to roll.